The Green Is Grasser

Boom! Closure from relations that shouldn't have mentally affected me as much as they did, but they did regardless of how I felt. Okay that's wrong, I did feel them, and I disagreed with my feelings and how I felt. But my feelings kept freaking feeling me man. Like can they stop? Yes they can. After finding closure I had a dream I was hanging out with those evil individuals and having fun, how miserable and ironic. It's kind of funny how that's what I dreamt of, not explaining my issues with them, but having them already be resolved, or maybe it was a timeline where I didn't open up my feelings at all. I'd rather think the dream was after having that discussion, and having my friends improve themselves not only because of me, but because it's what they should do. What a dream to have, seeing ex friends overcome their tendencies, their downfalls that they seem so blind to notice. How many friends does one person have to cutoff/drop in order to see that, just maybe they are the issue? I feel like some people don't have the ability to see themselves from different perspectives. I can process things that happen to me, and realize that at some perspectives I am at fault. I can grow from that immensely. I almost got into a car accident the other day. I took a left hand turn, and someone slammed their horn and almost hit the side of my car. It freaked me out, and before I could really process what happened I called a friend. I told them that I wasn't at fault, and that I should get a dash cam etc. It was a scary experience, but throughout my shift I thought about it more and more. Until it hit me that I was the one at fault. It was a four way, my light went green and as I took a left turn I didn't see someone who was going straight. I made a simple driving mistake that could have changed my entire life. I made a mistake, and to own up to it I need to pay more attention to the road. No matter how much I believe in myself that I'm a better driver than 90% of the population, I can still make mistakes. I cannot allow my little driving ego to manipulate my thoughts into thinking I could never be at fault. Owning up to mistakes, is a hard pill to swallow, and if those mistakes involve relationships it can only get tougher. I can see where I made a mistake, however I cannot correct this mistake lol. Call it immaturity or whatever, but not being able to make up for that mistake is what has been eating up my mind recently. But I will allow it no longer! What a waste of headspace, worrying about relationships that are over. It has no impact AT ALL on my future, and maybe I can harness it's energy into improving myself in every single capacity that I am capable of! Okay sleep time I'm sleepy bye bye!